I’ve been 30 for about 30 days now. It’s 1:30 AM. I worked a 12 hour shift earlier. I’m wiped out but I’m currently sitting iPhone in hand …complete darkness composing this random post because, well, it’s what I want to do. I have to be up in a few short hours. I don’t get up particularly early for work…I just want ample time to myself before I clock in at 11. I’m unbothered and ready for the impending exhaustion.
It was a pretty hectic day. I didn’t get the chance to eat dinner, so when I got home I stood at my sink in scrub bottoms and a hoodie and housed 2 peanut butter/fluff sandwiches washed down with a glass of lukewarm water that was hopefully poured earlier that day. 30 has been a lot of that, just doing whatever the fuck I want and shamelessly owning the consequences.
I can’t remember exactly who left me with this gem when I was younger but the message was this, “When you do what you want, you find yourself by yourself.”I do remember being kind of bummed at the possibility of this being true. But 30 is cool with solitude and will wager company for satisfaction with self on most days. 30 understands that inner peace may come at the cost of swimming against tide and not always going with the flow….and that’s ok.
30 is a strange calm in the midst of chaos. It’s a mindfuck. 30 wasn’t the completion of self-discovery you thought it might be. 30 is a snow day granted on the date the paper was due. It’s an “and that’s ok” after every realization you were ever worried about admitting to yourself until now. 30 has a handle on what’s important that 21 certainly didn’t and 25 was figuring out. 30 has been hit with several reminders that Life isn’t forever so living accordingly isn’t such a bad idea.
So this 30 thing really has nothing to do with the last 30 days and everything to do with this really rad process called growing up. To this point I was so busy worrying about how things would turn out (and I still do….it keeps me ambitious)…..but it’s equally important to be grateful for how things DID turn out. 30 wasn’t a milestone it was a thoughtful, happy pause to look around and marvel at this EarthRock experience past, present, and future.
If you’re reading this you’re above ground ….with the potential to do whatever you want with your life, so do that….make sure you do that everyday, respect your RAD, and keep after it.
30 is the tits ❤