The logo of the mobile dating app Tinder.

So a couple of weeks ago I downloaded Tinder …..again….
I go through these strange phases of being involved in a relationship, single and disinterested in dating, and single (still disinterested in dating) yet still aware that dating is a skill and if you don’t use it you lose it.

I opted for Tinder over Bumble since this takes away the need for me to initiate a conversation. The Bumble platform requires that the female “makes the first move.” I don’t do that, my ego is too large, I like to feel desired even if such is indicated via a lonely eggplant emoji,  take that feminist shit elsewhere…

Anyway, this is probably my 3rd stab at using this app to vet dates and it’s a wild world out here. What I mean by this is how on earth have we as a society let ourselves get to this phase? Dating and meeting people is supposed to be FUN not some Battleship-like virtual game where we throw a slew of shit at a wall to see what sticks.

“Where in the city do you live? What do you do for fun? What’s your favorite restaurant in Midtown?” The same script each and every time. The scary part is this dynamic is becoming a crutch, this is the norm, this precedes the face-to-face, which we’ll all start to suck at eventually…..I had a guy ask “If I were there right now ….like….what would you do?” I’d probably ask for the check….wanker….get out of there with that.

I’m holding out on the prospect of meeting my soulmate at La Colombe. I’ll spill fair trade bean water all over myself, he’ll hand me a fistful of bev naps and ask what my favorite Nina Simone jam is and the rest will be social studies.

I’m still not ready to delete the app, what else am I going to do while I wait for GrubHub…..schwipe, schwipe, schwipe.