Grapefruit At the Sink

brushstrokes by: Angela Mouton

Immediately before this post I ate a grapefruit over the sink. Not uncommon. I could sit at the table but that makes it seem like more of an event than it should be. My days are long not whining….they just are. I like to dine and dip. Also, the sink is the sweet spot. Some of my best ideas have come to me while standing over a sink, excitedly nibbling, with my brain cells on 100. Almost nightly, I lean over the sink, have a snack, and let my mind run wherever it wants.

Within the past few months my over-the-sink-thoughts have been dominated by the execution of creative projects. I did something batshit crazy earlier this week. A super talented artist that I reached out to for assistance with some visual content for this blog suggested that I accompany her to one of her exhibits… a few days. This would be a dope opportunity to roll this out to the public, right?

Here’s my current situation:

I am stresssssssed to hell over not knowing the first thing about the anatomy of blogs, templates, metric monitoring etc. To the average human being none of that seems necessary at all…..well that’s because it’s not. I have a habit of blowing things up to make it feel like not tackling goals is justified. I’ve had a vision of what I want this thing to look like with so many moving parts it’s almost crippling. All of these excuses I’ve created to justify not executing….

I pulled the trigger immediately. In my most recent introspective ponderings I have realized that the only way I’m going to do anything is if I’m forced to, deadlines, rolling it out and being held to delivering. No different than papers in undergrad. This is happening next week. Cup of Jo (or at least a few drops) is being spilled whether I’m ready or not.

I don’t know if this is how amateur writers in this era get started but when I think about the energy I expend in colorfully illustrating my emotions, perspectives, opinions etc it fucking PAINS me to know that I am laying them alongside someone’s bathroom selfie on a random newsfeed….to die…..or worse yet rinsing them down the sink with grapefruit seeds. That aversion, that fear, is largely what is behind the wheel.